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The Marvellous Mister BManufactured greatness and plastic majesty, and recycled taglines are quite a travesty.
9/13/2007 Obituaries.R.I.P. Peggy Clarke. My grandma passed away peacefully and painlessly two weeks ago today, after battling cancer for several years. She had recently seen almost everyone in her extended family - at least, everybody who had descended from her who was still alive. So, it's kind of sad, but it's kind of also happy in that, since you have to die one way or another, this is probably the nicest way to do it. I didn't go down for her funeral; family insisted that since I'd recently been down to visit her with mK, it would be perfectly fine to save my money and merely think of her at the time instead. Which I did.
R.I.P. MSN 7.5 - Live Messenger killed you some time tonight.
My depression's returned pretty harshly. It's always been there in the lack-of-motivation sense. Now it's getting stronger. It's kind of hard to describe to somebody who's not in your head, since it appears that one suffering depression is merely being lazy and angsty for no reason - ie, being a teenager. The easiest way that I can put it is that it makes putting any effort into just about anything impossible.
For example: I would have been perfectly capable of getting up and going to uni this morning, albeit needing coffee. However, for no particular reason, I had stayed in bed for an extra SIX FUCKING HOURS, somehow justifying my resignation to failure in the process. I would like to get this fixed; however, I always find an excuse not to see a doctor. Lame and recursive, huh? And nothing to do with sadness.
In other news, the band is going pretty well. We're writing much more than we can play; we're not short on material. We have four gigs coming up, with others waiting in the wings. It's a good feeling.
2 October - Tongue and Groove
20 October - Clarence Cnr Hotel
26 October - Clarence Cnr Hotel (WE'RE ON TV!!!*)
7 November - Tongue and Groove
so come to all of them or I'll rape you with a bass.
*Only Briz31, but still.
Anyway, it's been nice chatting to you, but I really must go bankways to pay the rent. Talk to me, I'm always online. 8/3/2007 From a myspace bulletin. I thought it was good enough to put here, given how I never post any more.New song, "This Memory", If you want it message or comment. 50 ODD THINGS ABOUT YOU 1. Wheres your #1 on your top 8 at the moment? 2. What is your favorite possession? 3. Do you own a gun? 4. If you could tell your last ex something what would you say? 5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? 6. What do you think of hot dogs 7. What's your favorite Christmas song? 8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? 9. Can you do push ups? 10. Is your bathroom clean? 11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? 12. Do you take painkillers? 13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the other sex? 14. Do you have A.D.H.D.? [Attention Deficit hyperactivity Disorder]? 15. Your nickname? 16. Middle Name(s). 17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? 19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: 20. Last movie watched, where and with who? 22. Current worry? 23. Current hate? 24. Favorite place to be? 25. How did you bring in the New Year? 27. Do you own slippers? 30. Favorite color(s)? 31. Would you be a pirate? 32. Are you tired? 33. Do you sing in the shower? 34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? 35. Current cravings? 36. Superman, Spiderman, or Batman? 37. Best bed sheets as a child? 38. Worst injury you've ever had? 39. What is your job? 40. Who are your favourite people at the moment? 41. Who is your loudest friend? 42. Who is your most silent friend? 43. Do you like anyone right now? 44. Do you wish on shooting stars? 45. What is your favorite book? 46. Favorite candy? Probably Mars bars. 47. What song do you want played at your wedding? Radiohead - Like Spinning Plates 48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Deftones - Minerva It's nice and heavy, so everyone can mosh, and they'll make me crowd surf. I mean, hell, I'll be dead; what could possibly be more rock than THAT? Also, what the hell do I care what's played at my funeral. Play ABBA, if you want. Though "William Tell Overture (Abridged) - Walter Carlos" (the next shuffle) would be great also, if only to remind people of the sped-up sex scene in A Clockwork Orange. 49. What were you doing @ 12 AM last night? 50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? 7/19/2007 spoiler warning.Burbage dies on pg. 12 19 years after the events in the book: Ron has married Hermione, their two children are named Rose and Hugo The epilogue shows all of the children boarding the train for Hogwarts together. The final lines of the book are: "The scar had not pained Harry for 18 years. All was well." Plot Spoilers Part of Voldemort's soul was implanted into Harry when he used Avada Kedavra on him when he was a baby. Harry then sacrifices himself, Lily Potter style, which allows him to kill Voldemort without killing himself. He also has hacks (stone to bring him back to life, and an uber wand). Snape went to the good side (Hogwarts, etc.) because he was all emo that Voldemort killed Lily Potter. Harry has three kids with Ginny. Ron and Hermoine fall in love. Note: if you don't want anything spoiled for you, take spoiler warnings into account. if you read it, despite the spoiler warning, don't blame me for your inability to see them.
(i read it after seeing spoilers, and you know what? IT'S STILL AN AWESOME BOOK. No great work of literature, but probably the best of the series.) 4/26/2007 On Sunday it's my birthdayyyyyyy!People really assume too much. I'm as guilty as anyone, but generally that's for assuming that everything's okay unless people tell me otherwise. Silly me, I guess.
The band is going well, and we're over at http://www.myspace.com/thelovebuckles now 'coz we changed our name; I probably mentioned this in the last post but can't be bothered checking.
I'm addicted to Kim and Medieval II.
I don't sing enough, but I learnt to play slap bass.
That's about it. 4/2/2007 Stuff.So, one person reads this? Go me.
The band's now called The LoveBuckles, and we've finished recording our demo through the link.
I'm gigging down in Sydderney again in about a month, probably about 5 or 6 nights, will be confirmed soon.
I'm working again.
I'm eating brownies.
My life is music and Kim, so what else did you expect? 3/20/2007 a roman soldier hacking a ufo to death is the coolest thing i've ever seenthe new modest mouse album's purdy cool
and i'm not getting gigs or making much new music but i wrote a couple of songs in the last couple of weeks
the band's recording a demo tomorrow and we should even have a name soon
the video for invincible is awesome in the last minute and a half because it has giant robot teddy bears eating the earth before dinosaurs and vikings come to kick the aliens' arses
i'm getting hours at kmart again
i'm still in love, which is pretty much the coolest thing ever
and life's not perfect, but it certainly warrants no complaints at this time.
i should update this thing more or use grammar again or something.
3/6/2007 Dude, that Brady fag never updates his blog anymore.Life's fantastic. Need money. Love is better than I ever expected. Life is better than I knew it could be. 2/1/2007 I got to meet Matt Bellamy!I got to shake his hand!
I got a setlist!
I saw them both nights!
First, 30/1:
1. Knights Of Cydonia (Space Dementia outro)
2. Butterflies And Hurricanes 3. Assassin (with the Debase Mason's Grog outro) 4. Map Of The Problematique 5. Plug In Baby
6. Forced In 7. Hysteria 8. Feeling Good 9. Hoodoo 10. Invincible 11. Supermassive Black Hole 12. Time Is Running Out 13. New Born ------- 14. Starlight 15. Bliss (extended) ------- 16. Stockholm Syndrome 17. Take A Bow just seated for that night, but relly good anyway. got to appreciate the light show. got a red black holes and revelations shirt, which is pretty groovy. water was more expensive than softdrinks, which i'm pretty sure is illegal. they played lots of cool little jazzy interludes. they showed marching robots in supermassive black hole, space invaders and radar screens in stockholm syndrome, george bush and flags and oil rigs in take a bow, crowds rioting and people hugging in invincible, electronica-kinda-things in map of the problematique, karaoke for the refrain of knights of cydonia, and, um, stars in starlight.
And the second night! (31/1)
2. Hysteria 3. Supermassive Black Hole 4. Butterflies And Hurricanes 5. Map Of The Problematique 6. City Of Delusion 7. Citizen Erased (!!!) 8. Sunburn (!!!) 9. Apocalypse Please (!!!!) 10. Invincible 11. Time Is Running Out 12. Plug In Baby ------- 13. Soldier's Poem 14. Starlight 15. Stockholm Syndrome ------- 16. Knights Of Cydonia Met Matt and Dom before the gig, after waiting around for a couple of hours. They signed my ticket and shook hands with Kim and I. Heard Apocalypse Please and Citizen Erased twice each, without vocals - Muse karaoke performed by Muse. Standing right at the barrier, right in front of Chris, with Kim and Cait. Somehow managed not to die in the crowd. Got a setlist at the end - slightly torn after someone tried to steal it from me. Gaffer taped back up. Cait got a red tour shirt. Everyone left singing "No-one's going to taaaaaake meeeeeee aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive".
We walked to Cait's tram stop, said goodbye, then caught a tram to Flinders Street and went home. We made nachos and watched Scrubs. Best night of my life, in probably the best (or second-best) month. 1/16/2007 Hey everyone, Kim likes me.And everything seems to be working out better than one could ever have imagined things working out.
Played a gig to Kim, the barperson and about 5 customers (none of who stayed for more than 15 minutes of my 75-minute set). One bought me a beer, which was nice, and nice of them too.
The Local in St. Kilda has a comedy night on Mondays for $7 with many great acts. So far I've seen Corinne Grant, Danny Bhoy, Tom Gleeson, Justin Hamilton, Declan Fay and others who have names that I can't remember or be bothered looking up.
the other day i picked raspberries with kim. there weren't many because of the drought (and the other people at the kinglake raspberry festival picking them). still, delicious.
That 1 Guy is amazing live.
Pinky Beecroft and The White Russians tomorrow night. They were good last time, don't see it being different this time. Next Wednesday, Andrew Bird. Wednesday after that, MUSE!
and then sydney and three gigs at jam nights and home and recording and whoa is that a lover moving in?
LG. 1/3/2007 Hey everyone, Kim likes HECS.120 seconds in minesweeper. I'm ON to you, Hoppy.
on the way to the concert i saw someone who reminds me that, yes, some men really don't deserve the privilege of a penis. he was talking loudly to his two male companions about anal sex and blowjobs and how he was in prison and how every other male on the carriage (there was me, and another two sat there at different points in the journey) liked to take it up the arse. and when a girl walked past, he took a deep sniff before exclaiming "yeah, she's farkin' shaved" before mentioning how much he would enjoy the opportunity to "poon that cunt". probably a good thing that i don't have a gun that i keep on me at all times, because his brains would have been hard to clean off the seat, and i don't like making more work for cleaners.
Modest Mouse!
- Ocean Breathes Salty
- Paper Thin Walls
- Black Cadillacs
- We've Got Everything
- Float On
- Fire It Up
- Bukowski
- Missed The Boat
- Tiny Cities Made Of Ashes (OMG! AWESOME!)
- Dashboard
- The World At Large (not played)
- People As Places As People
- The View
- Doin' The Cockroach (not on the setlist, but they played it, much to my contentment)
--break--
- Invisible
- Dramamine - Bury Me With It (they played this before Dramamine)
I got a setlist that says
"D--nboard
World at Large
People As Places As People
The vi--"
because the dickhead of a roadie threw the last one into a crowd and three of us all got bits and i got a third and the guy who got the bit below me just got the encore and we put our bits together and some chick took a photo of it. but the dude who i met at the sfk gig who was a modest mouse fan (he's in a band called MILK MUSIC!) had a full setlist. i bought a yellow t-shirt, it says MODEST MOUSE and has a buffalo between the MODEST and the MOUSE (MODEST is above the MOUSE). and i talked to the sex-lover all the way home and all the way here.
it's about 26 hours until i leave for Melbourne! and probably about 40-44 'til i get there. and apparently my grandma's given my uncle a cheque for me with some money for christmas, which will be very handy at some stage. i didn't know that people had to pay me for christmas, and if i had i would have capitalised more at the time. because canberra's a very nice city. 1/1/2007 The obligatory what-I-did-for-NYE-postI went around to Jacobs, and for most of the night I talked to Tristan.
Well, there was a lot of pool being played, and a lot of alcohol and marijuana being consumed (I, myself, had one vodka and no pot), and three chicks (more a worry to people who don't have lovers they're seeing in 3 days), and maybe 10 people in total. And when Victor, Tristan and I attempted to go to the valley, we failed horribly - well, Jacob and Byron were going to come but decided against it. Oh, and there was the bit where Jacob played piano. He's seriously a fantastic player.
It was a whole lot of nothing, but probably better than nothing. 12/31/2006 Happy new thing.Really, the whole new years thing? Couldn't care less.
But I've got 4 sleeps and a long drive 'til I see my lover, and that's almost nothing. 12/27/2006 New time in Minesweeper: 127 seconds. Look out, Hoppy, I'm on to you.And I've finally rerecorded For The Love Of so it sounds almost like it does in my head. Really, really, freaking, awesome, yeah. Should be up here within the hour.
If you're one of the people I sent it to last night, check it out again, because this version totally pwned that version. 12/25/2006 Some days,I wonder why I even fucking bother waking up.
But hey, I recorded "Perfect?" and put it on my MySpace and it's the first song I've recorded since Cybersexual. So that's good at least. Might do Jacaranda. Might do an electric version of Transcendent. Might have a bowl of coco pops and play Medieval and try to forget that life exists.
Fuck Christmas.
...but at least I'm not trying to make money from music. Ouch. 12/24/2006 I'm Perfect?I woke to discover another lover lying in my bed
She rolled and blinked and smiled up at me, as she smiled I said,
"Your smile's a silent suicide
From which I run but cannot hide"
To this she giggled and lied as she replied, "You're perfect."
(they always say that)
See, I knew that she was lyin'
When I saw her the next day, cryin'
And I knew that she would die inside
And she'd like it,'coz she still thinks I'm perfect.
(they're all crazy, you know)
I woke later that night with a terrific fright
To a beautiful sight in the curtained moonlight
My lover, who couldn't put up a fight
When she saw that moonlight in the eyes of her knight
But I knew she was wrong
When I started this song
'Coz I don't know how long she can make herself think that I'm perfect.
Oh, I don't know how long she can go on convincing herself...that I'm perfect.
And holy fuck, I just got a time of 128 seconds in Minesweeper. 12/20/2006 Hope springs eternal.One day, I hope that I will no longer live as a refugee in my own society.
Behind me, I leave fields of scorched earth, with a burnt bridge over every river that I've had to cross.
I cross them because I have to.
I cross them because, if I didn't, I'd be forced to jump into the river and swim.
I cross them to get away from my tormentors.
Quite often, they stay with me.
At least I forget about them for a while in my new home.
Not really a home, but that's what people call the places where they live.
Back on the other side of the river, when I'm gone:
They go back to their lives without me.
They till and replant the fields;
They rebuild the bridges.
Sometimes they let me back over, and it all repeats itself.
Can't help but think that one of these days I'm going to run up to the river and be forced to swim.
My luck couldn't possibly be that good.
I can't wait for the day when I learn to swim.
Relying on bridges is a huge liability, especially if you don't have the capacity to build them yourself.
And maybe one day I'll learn to swim.
Maybe one day I'll make peace with my tormentors.
Maybe, one day, I will find a bridge that I don't have to cross
In front of people who I haven't crossed
And I'll no longer be lost - because I'll have found my home.
Either way, it's just over two weeks until I go to the only home I've known in years.
Under two weeks 'til I move to the place where I'm going to stay while I'm there.
Maybe only a couple of days.
Who knows? Maybe I'll find a home there as well.
That would be heaps swell.
And if not, I guess I'm used to it by now.
I'm not sure how much longer I can take this, but I've taken it for quite a while and I'm not dead yet.
One of the reasons I don't like Christmas all that much is because it reminds me that I don't have a home. This is a fact that's rubbed in my face all year around, but at Christmas, with the emphasis on home and family, it's salting the wounds. The fact that I have to move twice within a month (or so) doesn't bother me. The fact that I live in fear, not knowing when I'll have to move next, does rather. I shouldn't be fearful, because something always seems to work out. But in the last three years, I've not lived at any one address for longer than 7 months. I should get myself a P.O. box, at the very least. I'm not so worried by the fact that I'm never sleeping in the same bed 12 months after any particular date - I'm worried that everywhere I go, the welcome seems to be overstayed. I'm worried that, no matter where I go, it'll be somebody else's home rather than my own. I'm worried that, no matter where I go, this fear shan't disappear. I'm worried that the seams are starting to fray, and I like pulling loose threads. 12/16/2006 Well, I was wrong again.but at least i got to sleep in
and today i woke up with a bsl of 4.3 which is quite low and it's the first time i've woken up with a bsl so low in a while and this is a good sign.
time to play medieval again.
also, acoustic covers of depeche mode songs work rather nicely because depeche mode have awesome chord progressions.
You're in my head like a boxcutter, babyand GOD i did not know this loneliness was possible.
and to think! without it, i'd be feeling worse?
but it's true.
today i worked and i didn't record and i didn't wake up at a reasonable hour. tomorrow, hopefully, there will be recording. on sunday i get to see an old friend. on monday, tuesday, wednesday, and thursday nights, and next saturday and sunday during the day i am working. on next friday, i will be sitting at home doing nothing, unless i get called in to work.
and also i found somewhere to live due to a string of random chances culminating in a couple of surprising conversations
and also i'm not sure whether i'd be feeling better if i didn't have something good to look forward to. expectations are annoying. they make the present seem unworthy, and therefore culminate in wasted life. not that i get wasted anymore.
and also john mayer is a good guitar player. you should listen to him playing neon live acoustic. fantastic stuff. i wrote him off after hearing 'your body is a wonderland', which is a pity because his other stuff isn't quite so faggy.
time to try to keep on learning that song. 12/13/2006 Don't have tofu, have mushrooms instead.Hey, I picked up two shifts, and will probably have rehearsal on Friday or Saturday or both. Life *could* be a way of passing the time, I guess. 12/11/2006 I like cooking because food is the third-best thing in my life.Brady's fantabulous thing that he just made 10 minutes ago. Call it:
"Mediterranean Sunset"
Ingredients:
- Unsliced bread. Slices will do nicely too.
- 50g sundried tomatoes
- 50g olives
- 50g cheese (pref. fetta - I used cheddar)
- 150g chicken breast
- butter or margarine
Equipment:
Microwave
Small frypan
Plate
Bread knife
Method:
Put cheese on plate, microwave on high for about 30-45 seconds. Cut bread into chunks, put on plate when cheese has finished. Spread thickly with butter/marg. Pour sundried tomatoes and olives over the bread/cheese. Put frypan on high. Pour the oils from the olives and tomatoes onto frypan. Dice the chicken and brown for about 5 minutes. Chicken on plate. Serve with iced coffee, 45 minutes before you have to leave for work.
Trust me, it's delicious. Also works as a vegetarian meal without the chicken - substitute tofu, or anything else that's at hand (I only used chicken because someone left chicken to defrost in the microwave when I wanted to microwave the cheese). The bread soaks up the oil from the olives and sundried tomatoes, and the mediterranean food combines in your arteries to truly create the sunset of your heart. Enjoi. 12/10/2006 Sometimes I'm really not sure why I'm alive at all.Jeff Buckley was playing, and his band was quite old but they all looked rather happy. My lover was there with me, and she looked like she was enjoying herself. There were also a lot of other things that happened between 6am and 1:30pm today, but that's the only lucid dream I remember. I woke up and she faded away, and I spent three hours trying to get back to sleep to see her again.
I don't want to push away my one raison d'être, but I know that's all I'm going to do. I do so dearly hope that it's going to be alright, but I've got no confidence in it whatsoever. I hate myself, no matter what anyone else thinks. I worry too much, and worrying doesn't help anybody. I miss waking up with somebody melting in to me. I exist to work and sleep and pray for January to come sooner. I'm alive because she wants me to be, and I can't see why anyone would. I'm so sorry for what I did, even if it wasn't my fault. I still feel sick. 12/9/2006 I'm updating my blog, because my secret lesbian lover told me to.Work nothing nothing work nothing work work nothing hey I'm meeting Kelly again!
Also, if you're not doing anything today, why not take a walk in the city? Might be fun. 12/8/2006 The growing phenomenon of internet lets me indulge my deep and abiding passion for all things Thai.12/7/2006 I'm really not sure why I'm awake, when you're not here.And Kmart seems intent on fucking me over pay-wise, and I've no motivation to record or re-record any of my songs, and I'm hoping that the band can record stuff, and I've got the present I wanted to get, but there's more to it that I still need to get off my arse and get, and I need a second job so I can save up enough to enjoy my trip and maybe have a home to go to afterwards.
It's fine for now, but it's uncomfortable knowing that my next month is going to be completely useless. It's uncomfortable knowing that, as soon as I get back from Melbourne/Sydney, I'm going to have to look for a place to move in, which I won't be able to afford. It's very unnerving knowing all of this.
and to distract from my whinging with a link farm:
but seriously, i need something to do for a month. something that'll make me money - Medieval 2 takes care of the times when I'm not. 12/5/2006 Every daywe appear to forget how much we love each other, so we constantly remind each other.
amnesia's sweet in that way.
Today, the band worked on some great arrangements for two songs. They're pretty much complete now - Generation Y and Whitish Noise.
Mum got me the tickets for my flights back from Melbourne (4th February) and Sydney (8th February). Looks like next month's going to be exciting.
I can't wait.
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